State of the Republic: Week 24
12:44, 31 Jan 2013
PLAYER OF THE WEEKEND
James McCarthy (Wigan Athletic)
Played 90 minutes (Stoke City 2-2 Wigan Athletic)
Of all the places you would’ve thought Wigan would’ve received a battering, it was at the Brittania. However, big-spending Stoke blew a two-goal lead and McCarthy imposed himself much more as the game went on. Like Whelan, we have to hope nothing unfortunate befalls him before the World Cup qualification pointlessness resumes.
GOALKEEPERS.
Shay Given (Aston Villa)
Unused sub (Aston Villa 1-2 Newcastle United)
Brian Murphy (QPR)
Unused sub (QPR 0-0 Manchester City)
It was a surprise to see two keepers on the bench... or was it? We seem to remember Harry Redknapp pulling a similar stroke in the past with the same motives in mind. The former Spurs WHEELER-DEALER named both Brad Friedel and Carlo Cudicini as substitutes for a Europa League game against Hearts in August 2011. We must point out, by the way, that there are nine squads in the league that cost less to put together than QPR’s.
Keiren Westwood (Sunderland)
Unused sub (Sunderland 0-0 Swansea)
DEFENDERS
Richard Dunne (Aston Villa)
Injured (Aston Villa 1-2 Newcastle United)
Every time we see Paul Lambert on the sideline, he’s clapping his hands and shouting “come on” at the players. There must be more to Premier League management than that, surely.
Ciaran Clark (Aston Villa)
Played 90 minutes (Aston Villa 1-2 Newcastle United)
Sent long ball after long ball towards the Newcastle box for the entire second half in what was one of the worst games of football we’ve ever seen.
Enda Stevens (Aston Villa)
Not in squad (Aston Villa 1-2 Newcastle United)
There were an extraordinary number of bad touches from two teams we hope go down, but fear won’t.
Derrick Williams (Aston Villa)
Not in squad (Aston Villa 1-2 Newcastle United)
Seamus Coleman (Everton)
Injured (Everton 2-1 West Bromwich Albion)
Shane Duffy (Everton)
Not in squad (Everton 2-1 West Bromwich Albion)
Stephen Kelly (Reading)
Played 90 minutes (Reading 2-2 Chelsea)
Put the blow of a second rejection from Martin Jol behind behind him and is... doing the same things he’s always done. He was like a lost child at a fairground a lot of the time, looking around in every direction but seeing no sign of help or hope. Flicked out a leg burlesque-like to try to stop the ball going through to Juan Mata before the first goal. Prevented a few crosses and, as they say, all’s well that ends well.
Ian Harte (Reading)
Played 90 minutes (Reading 2-2 Chelsea)
Ah, that left foot. When he dies it should be hacked off, preserved and placed beside the Book of Kells in Trinity College for future generations and Queens of England to marvel at its structural perfection. Since Brian McDermott switched to 4-5-1 and reinstated Harte, Reading have hauled themselves out of the bottom three.
Alex Pearce (Reading)
Played 90 minutes (Reading 2-2 Chelsea)
Really struggled with his positioning, letting Mata sneak in behind to put Chelsea ahead. He then watched as Oscar stole in to flash a volley wide. Chillingly, he’s our most in-form centre-back in the Premier League at the moment.
Marc Wilson (Stoke City)
Injured (Stoke City 2-2 Wigan Athletic)
John O’Shea (Sunderland)
Played 90 minutes (Sunderland 0-0 Swansea)
On the scale of 1-10 of nastiness, this game comes in around the Spinal Tap 11-mark. O’Shea, though, was composed at the back, a monumental achievement when your partner is Titus Bramble.
Steven Reid (West Bromwich Albion)
Injured (Everton 2-1 West Bromwich Albion)
Joey O’Brien (West Ham United)
Played 90 minutes (Fulham 3-1 West Ham United)
Joey scored an og and West Ham lost. Not good. Places 10 to 15 in the Premier League is the football league table equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle. Once you go in there you ain’t never gettin’ out. We’re willing to bet that not only have the teams occupying those spots now occupied those spots all season, but they’ll be occupying them at the end of the season, too. Occupy. Makes you feel nostalgic for the days all workers in the Central Bank had to do to feel better about themselves was look out the window.
MIDFIELDERS
Stephen Ireland (Aston Villa)
Unused sub (Aston Villa 1-2 Newcastle United)
We’d like to paraphrase renowned film critic Robert Ebert when he reviewed and then refused to rate The Human Centipede: This match belonged in a universe where the stars don’t shine.
Samir Carruthers (Aston Villa)
Not in squad (Aston Villa 1-2 Newcastle United)
Darron Gibson (Everton)
Played 24 minutes (Everton 2-1 West Bromwich Albion)
Made his comeback from injury to help Everton up the pressure on Spurs in fourth.
Damien Duff (Fulham)
Played 90 minutes (Fulham 3-1 West Ham United)
A fine evening’s work for Duffer who set up two of Fulham’s goals.
Anthony Pilkington (Norwich City)
Played 90 minutes (Norwich City 1-1 Tottenham Hotspur)
Unselfishly set up Wes Hoolahan for Norwich’s goal. Fired in a shot that may or may not have hit Jan Vertonghen on the arm in the box. Booked a rambler ticket for the evening and sped up and down the left wing tracking human monorail Kyle Walker.
Wes Hoolahan (Norwich City)
Played 81 minutes (Norwich City 1-1 Tottenham Hotspur)
Showed in the first half that he’s exactly the type of player Spurs were missing until Lewis Holtby came on. Finished well when Pilkington presented him with the chance. Incidentally, during Holtby’s first interview after his arrival at Spurs when he was asked how he was settling in, he said he was getting plenty of “stick” from the other players. He said this with a smile on his face. This “stick” seems to be a good thing.
However, if you started an office job today and received “stick” from co-workers, or if some Vinny Jones-type character shredded your suit jacket or set fire to your chair, would you see this as a good thing, or would you be inclined not to go back the next day?
Jay Tabb (Reading)
Not in squad (Reading 2-2 Chelsea)
Stuart Taylor, who has played a little over four games a season in 16 years as a professional, was on the bench for Reading.
Glenn ‘OJ’ Whelan (Stoke City)
Played 90 minutes (Stoke City 2-2 Swansea)
Somehow wasn’t punished for trying to break Javi Garcia’s foot, the greatest miscarriage of justice since Groundskeeper Willie was hauled away for storing a cache of Peeping Tom video tapes. We’re thankful for it, though, and, at the moment, he’s Ireland’s most important midfielder and close to indispensible.
Rory Delap (Stoke City)
Not in squad (Stoke City 2-2 Wigan Athletic)
James McClean (Sunderland)
Played 24 minutes (Sunderland 0-0 Swansea)
Will struggle to get his place back and won’t be in contention for an Ireland spot.
STRIKERS
Jon Walters (Stoke City)
Played 90 minutes (Stoke City 2-2 Swansea)
Jumbo-jetted his way into the box a few times but couldn’t add to his total of 18 goals in 98 league goals for big-spending Stoke. It really lays it all bare when you see it written down in black and white.
Noel Hunt (Reading)
Not in squad (Reading 2-2 Chelsea)
Shane Long (West Bromwich Albion)
Played 28 minutes (Everton 2-1 West Bromwich Albion)
Came on and dragged West Brom back into it. We can’t understand why Steve Clarke won’t go with Long and Romelu Lukaku up front for a while. What’s the worst that can happen?
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